Second Guessing and Self Doubt

 Overcoming Second Guessing and Self-Doubt

I’ve always said you know you’re on the right track when the Evil One works hard to mess with you.

In early January I sent a manuscript to a publishing house I respect. I started in on another story while I prayed and waited to hear if they accepted my book.

I waited.

And waited.

And waited some more. 

I didn’t expect an answer right away, but there was always a part inside of me hoping to see something from the publisher every time I opened my email. It’s the way of things. 

February came. February, even in Florida has a gloom to it. I started second guessing myself and my ability to craft another novel. I submitted a couple of short stories to Chicken Soup for the Soul and a children’s story to Clubhouse Magazine. 

Now I was waiting for more than one publisher to respond. I was waiting for a response on the book, two true stories, and a fiction piece for children. I wasn’t hearing anything from anybody. Midway through February I started second guessing my ability to write anything at all. 

Second guessing yourself is, I believe, a tool the Evil One uses to frustrate or upset us. He hopes we will get off track and give up hope. He’s crafty that way. 

I was tempted to give in to his trickery but decided to keep writing and submitting and doing my best anyway. I had started a sweet romance series a few years ago, so I picked it up and started work again on the trilogy. 

Book one was complete. I finished book two and started book three. A few questions in book three caused me to go back to book one and make a revision so it all made sense. That made me recheck book two and…so it went. I was writing in circles. I even had to redraw a map of the town where this all takes place so I could make sure my characters didn’t go down the wrong street!

I was working at my craft and the feeling of doing what I was meant to do was returning. I pushed aside the fears and self-doubt. I love it when I find that sweet spot. I write with confidence, knowing I have something to say yet knowing also, revision is my friend, not my enemy. 

Then, last Saturday, March 7, I opened my email. The publishing house has accepted my novel! I squealed out loud! I felt like I’d punched the Evil One in the nose…And it felt so-o-o good!

Do you have a dream? Stay the course.

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Green Thumb

 Can You Inherit a “Green Thumb?”

My grandmother had a green thumb. She could grow anything. My mother has always been able to grow beautiful flowers and colorful vegetables. 

My oldest daughter is like that. Allison can start a plant with a seed or broken stem or bit of root. I’m not kidding. She can grow anything and has a houseful of plants to prove it.

The bulk of that innate ability to grow anything and everything obviously skipped a generation. Mine. 

I am not a “plant whisperer” like my daughter or grandmother. I generally require seeds and directions. I’ve planted many a garden and grown vegetables for my family. I’ve managed to do well with outdoor plants. 

Particularly those that live on neglect.

I surprised myself when I saw a beautiful shrub outside a hotel in Kissimmee, Florida. I told Mike I wanted to grow one like it even as I pinched off a sprig of the greenery. 

I wrapped it in a damp napkin and we headed home.

Back at the house, I found a jar, created a “holder” for the sprig from a piece of cardstock, and set my little plant-to-be on a table on our back porch. And waited.

And waited.

And waited.

Did I mention I waited?

Yep, more waiting.

And then? 

I started seeing some little nubs of roots starting to form. I made sure I kept water in the jar. 

And now? Now, seven months later, the plant’s roots are developing nicely. I’m ready to put my little plant in some potting soil. 

It’ll still need some tender loving care for a bit, but one day, I’m hopeful a beautiful shrub will grow in our flowerbed. I may have a touch of that green thumb after all.

We’ll see. One down. A thousand to go.

But like I always told my students as I sent them out to recess, "Everything needs dirt, water, and sunshine to grow."